


Not Quite

by orphan_account



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, i literally wrote this in like half an hour, inspired by my own shitposting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 04:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8953816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which some nosy old ladies in Vasselheim mistake Percy for an old man because of his hair and loudly wonder what he's doing with a young lady like Vex'ahlia.Pure, unedited shitposting.





	

In the wake of the Chroma Conclave’s defeat, Percy spent several months actually performing his duties as Lord of Whitestone (a significant amount of credit for this goes to Keyleth for refusing to let him leave through Teleport Via Plants), but eventually the wanderlust took him. This time, though, he had an excuse: he was down to but a few ounces of black powder and he had a brilliant idea for an improved siege arrow. Cassandra had to let him go to Vasselheim.

After completing his transaction with Viktor, who had miraculously succeeded in not destroying the prosthetic hand since they last spoke, Percy and Vex’ahlia decided to go sightseeing by themselves, arm in arm. In summer, Vasselheim’s weather was actually quite lovely, and they enjoyed getting to play tourist without worrying about dragons. 

Percy and Vex were just coming out of the most wonderful little bakery and Vex was affectionately picking a crumb from Percy’s scruff when they heard offended tutting from nearby. A glance over the shoulder revealed the source to be a group of middle-aged ladies, all well-dressed and looking at the couple suspiciously. Percy and Vex elected to ignore them and continue on, following Trinket’s nose to a stand selling smoked sausage. The gossips, however, apparently weren’t done and followed, muttering to each other. 

Neither of the adventurers really felt like stirring up conflict on such a lovely day, so they continued to ignore them for several blocks. Until Percy pressed a little kiss to the top of Vex’s head while she was pointing out a Trinket-shaped cloud and one of the old ladies stalking them said loudly, “I don’t think I even want to imagine what some lecherous old man would want with a pretty young girl like that.” 

Percy stopped and turned to face the women with a mixture of annoyance and pure confusion. “Can I help you?”

The women shared looks of disgust and mumbled among themselves about “naivety of innocence” and “old devils with men’s faces” until one of them, wearing a yellow embroidered shawl, stepped up and tried to look down her nose at Percy. (It didn’t work because he was at least eight inches taller than her, but it probably did miracles against her grandchildren.) “A man your age has no reason to be courting a woman this young. Has she even moved out of her parents’ house?” she demanded.

One of the hawk-faced woman’s compatriots, a plump woman with a flower-wreathed hat, patted Vex consolingly on the arm. “You know darling, there’s nothing he can give you in the way of wealth that’s worth your own virtue,” she tutted, and Vex made a face and pulled her arm away.

“I’m only twenty-seven!” Percy protested, red in the face. “And the bear is hers!”

Trinket understood his cue and lumbered up in front of his humans, staring evenly at the old ladies, all of whom took a few steps back except the yellow-shawled woman who had been chewing out Percy. If she hadn’t been so determined to be a nuisance, it would have been rather admirable. 

“Don’t kid yourself, there’s no twenty-seven-year-old in the world with hair that white,” she argued.

Percy started to argue, but Vex stopped him with a hand to the shoulder and a giggle. “Let me make sure I understand what we’re talking about here. You’re concerned that the Lord of Whitestone here is somehow manipulating me, the woman who killed the ancient dragon Vorugal, the Frigid Doom?” 

This stopped the woman’s arguing.

“I also have a pet bear,” Vex added.

And the rest of their date day went by peaceably.


End file.
